I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
