The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
