the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
