Im at strip club and am horny
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
