Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
