I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
