There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
