Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
