Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
