Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
