My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
