The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
