I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
