For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
