i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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