What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
