mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
