oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
