Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
