my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
