Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
