I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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