I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Actions speak louder than pants.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
