Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
