everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
