i jhust puked up my retainher.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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