I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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