The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
