I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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