After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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