his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
