I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
