did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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