His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
