Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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