ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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