we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
