I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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