dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
