yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
