He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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