Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
