the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
