Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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