Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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