dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
