just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
