i think my tv is drunk
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
