when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
