this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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