The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
