Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
