Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
