is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
