Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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