I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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