My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
