if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
