Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We got so high we made milksteak
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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