Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
