What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
