I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
