I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
